TT: Letting Go

Thankful Thursday Logo bLetting it go. Believe it or not it’s a skill that can be learned. I used to be pretty bad at it. Subconsciously holding on to things I thought I had let go. Only to find the “wound” re-opened and deepened the next time something similar came along. Finding myself feeling not only the hurt from this particular hurt, but the one (or more) from before from the same person.

Over the past 2-3 years I’ve learned how to actually do it. It’s not always easy, but so worth it. And I still struggle here and there with it, but comparatively I’m so much better at it now. And instead of my subconscious validating that “see I told you so” feeling, I have more peace. I am happier with my relationships in life, and I spend less time feeling hurt.Danger Ex[ectations AheadA few things that helped me to learn this skill: 1 Stop making unrealistic expectations for others. I kept waiting, and expecting my family to see my feelings in certain ways, or for them to understand why and just how much my disappointment was from this time or that when they let me down. After moving across the country I expected them to treat me differently when we came to visit than when we lived by them. And I was disappointed and hurt when that didn’t happen. Then as I was learning to let go we had our second visit to see them. This time I went expecting them to be them, to be annoyed at all the little things that have always annoyed me. And to not care, because I was there for me and my family, and we were going to have fun with or without them. And you know what? It was the best visit ever. The subsequent visits have been great, but this one stands out since it was the first. We all got along better, I didn’t worry about the annoying stuff, or care, and it was great!

2 Find a way to make it funny. Honestly my family is exceptionally good at being sarcastic. And sometimes it got old to me, because it starting feeling sincere from them, and not just sarcastic. But instead of getting mad that they wanted to complain a lot about us also seeing friends while we were out (yes our best friends live there too, and yes we’re going to give them a generous amount of time- these are life long type friends!)… anyway back to it. Instead of being mad that that’s how they were spending the time they had with me, or that they didn’t understand that we only have a short amount of time to spread between everyone, I would switch how I thought about it. And respond in a way that would make me laugh. Like “oh, I’ve missed you too. Don’t worry this isn’t my last day with you.” (and of course say it slightly sarcastically since it’s funny, and that’s how my family communicates) When you find ways to make things funny, it’s easier to stay calm, not get angry and not feel hurt. When my kids fight lately, instead of getting upset I start singing an awesome rendition of “Kung Fu Fighting.” Everybody was kung fu fighting. They thought they were fast as lightning. But them mommy came and spanked their butts. And they cried out all their little guts. They stop fighting and I’m left laughing at my clever, funny awesomeness.693 See it from their view. Like in number one above, when my family complained at me that we were also going to see some friends I was upset that they didn’t understand that we had a whole life there that we had left. (and when I say complained, I mean that it was brought up at least 5 times a day on our first trip out) I felt like they weren’t using the time we had together well, and I was sick of them being mad at me for wanting to see other people in our lives. My brother’s had lived out of state for many years, and it didn’t seem like anyone had a problem with them seeing their old friends. But then I started viewing their complaining, not as complaining, but as them doing a horrible job communicating how much they missed us. And I understood them. And didn’t take it personal that they were upset, but saw instead that they missed me, and loved me. And they didn’t know how to handle or communicate it well.

Hopefully these tips can help you start learning this skill. Let me know what you think, if there’s a tip you have or if these ones help. I’m far from great at this skill, but so thankful to have so much of it compared to a few short years ago. And grateful to be reminded to keep working on it.

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TT: Anniversary

Thankful Thursday Logo bI can’t believe it’s really been 12 years. Sometimes it feels like we’ve always been together, yet it also feels like it can’t really be 12 years already. I can’t imagine having to spend these past 12 years with anyone else. Life hasn’t taken us where we thought we’d be. We’ve had many ups and downs. But instead of the struggles pulling us apart, we’ve come together to get through them.

DrH is so patient with my quirks and awkwardly shy personality. He puts up with my insecurities and fears. He helps me be a better person. I love him! And am forever grateful for these 12 years with him by my side. I’m grateful that we didn’t let our trials drive us to divorce. Here’s to another 12 years just as wonderful, and an eternity of getting to be together.

TT: Faith

Thankful Thursday Logo bSometimes this life is not so pretty. There can be much ugliness and chaos surrounding us in this world we live in. Hatred, death, cruelty, greed. . . . What I am most grateful for in this life is the peace that comes despite, and amidst the turmoil. The peace of Christ.

Following Christ does not take away pain, sorrow, and trials. But it does give you strength to make it through, to hold on. It gives you perspective. It brings comfort. It gives guidance and help. And it reminds you that you are never truly alone, for He is always there for you, with you.

From the smallest, most seemingly insignificant thing, to the most painful and horrible trial, He is there. If it’s important to you, it is to Him. His way may not always be the way we would choose, but it is the better way. A way to growth or healing. A way to make us more than we ever imagined. A way back home, to Him.

I am most grateful for His kindness, patience, willingness, and most importantly His forgiveness. May we all be more forgiving and patient with others, and ourselves. If we could there would be much less of those uglier traits in this world.

20 Things To Remember When Your Wife Is Overwhelmed

20 Things To Remember When Your Wife Is Overwhelmed

I read this post this morning, and thought I’d share it here. It’s really great, and I whole heartedly agree with all 20.

For a sneak peak here’s #14

14.  SHE MAY FORGET YOU AREN’T A GIRL: Girls like girl talk. And if at a moment she feels like she doesn’t have any girls to talk to… you’re gonna be the girlfriend for a minute. She may need a fashion tip and she may need to share a big secret or gossip. It’s only because you’re her best friend and she knows you can handle it.

Seriously people go check it out. You won’t regret it.

TT: Short

I am grateful to be home. I am grateful for the support of extended family. I am grateful for the love of DrH. I am grateful for a new year to fill with new memories, and a chance to make life better for us.Thankful Thursday Logo b

TT: Christmas

Thankful Thursday Logo b“You kids quiet down!”

“They’re kids Grandma, kids are noisy remember?”

“Well they can be taught to be quiet!”

“Umm, ok, but they aren’t really being that loud. Believe me they can be a lot louder.”

“Well! I’ll just go home then!” Mumbled as she walks away to the next room. By the time she gets there, though, it has already been forgotten. And I hear her from the next room, “What’s this movie about?”

That’s not the first time she’s asked that either.

That was a fun hour alone with my Alzheimered grandma.  What happened to meeting here at 1:30 everybody?! Today definitely had some very irksome moments. And by some I mean a lot. I would rather spend Christmas at home with my little family. But since all of my siblings flew out this year, it was the right thing for us to fly out too. Besides it’s been 2 1/2 years since we’ve seen my oldest brother’s family. And it’s made my mom so happy to have us all here at the same time. So I try to let it roll off and be ok.

Despite not liking visiting for Christmas, it’s nice to see everyone. And really what this day is all about is one child’s birth. And that is what I am most grateful for out of everything in my life. I can never repay Him for what He has done for me, or given me. I can never live up to the same standard. But that is not what He asks of me. Only that I try my best, and continue to endure and keep trying. He doesn’t care that I make tonz of mistakes, only that I give an honest try and a sincere apology when needed. Only that I keep learning and growing. He is not insistent that I am perfect now. Only that I allow Him to make me into something better than I could myself. His love inspires me, encourages me, and comforts me. He knows better than I what I need to become better, and how to help me. For Him I am most grateful, especially at this special time of year to celebrate it!

Merry Christmas!

Forgiveness and Healing

Today I am struggling to forgive a complete stranger for a difference of opinion. It is hard not to allow their words to effect me. Underneath it all I know they mean no harm in what they say, just stating what they think. But it is hurtful to me in my situation. And they have written it in response to my words.

Oh Facebook, you make me laugh at silly message threads and let me see what’s going on with my family. Sometime you are the only way I know what is going on with them. But you also bring me down for a number of other reasons. This is sometimes one of them.

But I know that without forgiveness I cannot heal. I’m grateful that forgiveness does not equate condoning. It is simply letting go of something that you don’t need to hold onto. It is allowing that we all make mistakes. It is moving on.

Forgiveness is not for you. It is for me. It is so I can heal and not cling to things that hurt me, that make me sad. So I forgive you for that part of your comment that hurt me. Maybe one day you more intimately know why it hurt. But I hope not. I only hope that one day you can see things from another point and be more kind in what/how you say things.

There is no peace in reflecting on the pain of old wounds. There is peace only in repentance and forgiveness. This is the sweet peace of the Christ, who said, “blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

Pres. Gordon B Hinkley

There will be many dandilions along my path. And I must decide if my energy is better spent trying to keep them whole, or to make a wish and blow it out of my life.