Making it Home

Honestly I did not expect it to be so long between posts. But i guess a new house will do that to you. That and regular life starting too.

The kids are in school, the hubs is at work (as always), and our new house is slowly becoming out home. Most of the paint we want is up, new carpets for the bedrooms are being taken care of as I type, and hopefully we’ll have bedrooms 100% set up this weekend. B2 has been sleeping in what will become our computer room/library. We moved him there to paint his room, and since the carpet was only a week later, we’ve left him there. With all the bedrooms currently not in the bedrooms, the house seems cramped, but that’s ok cuz it soon won’t be, and the fugly carpets are going away. Yay! (and hopefully with it, my allergies that kicked up yesterday and don’t seem to want to settle down.)

Here’s some of what we’ve been working on… Unpacking, taking down built ins, new dining chairs, getting rid of grandma pink, and finally a sample of what life was like this morning after getting everything out of bedrooms. (please ignore that they are horrid phone pictures, it’s all I had energy for, and by that I mean I need a better phone camera)

Pokemon-ing

So a couple weeks back we decided to find a place to enjoy a family walk. And of course the boys (all 3) had to go Pokemon hunting. Aka Pokemoning. (just a term I’m coining. No? ok) It was a great way to get out and NOT hear complaining the whole time. Usually a few minutes in if they are bored or hot, or both, B1 and 2 want to know when we’ll be done and can go home. But if they even think they’re having fun…IMG_2382We had a fun time, we found a new place to enjoy, and the boys caught tonz of Pokemon. As for me? Well this is the type of Pokemon I caught.

TT: Independance Day

03Happy Birthday ‘Merica! Thanks for letting us be free to be weird, crazy and just plain make fools of ourselves whenever and wherever we please. There are many things in this country I find annoying and complain about, but that’s just how family is, and this country is one big, crazy family. As a whole it’s a great place to live! And I am grateful for the freedoms we enjoy, and grateful to the men and women who continue to protect those freedoms.

0102Thankful Thursday Logo b

TT:

Thankful Thursday Logo bThis week has been rough. Really rough. Lots of different issues and stresses to deal with. Having things wait and be on hold till one thing is taken care of. Looking at homes is somewhat stressful for us anyway, but it’s also been on a partial hold until this week. One thing after another, and several odd things altogether, making it feel like everyone is dishonest and trying to nickel and dime us. I know that’s not the case, but it can seem that way when there are several unexpected expenses close together. Seems too much for coincidence, but it is just coincidence. Ugh.

But on the bright side (which is what Thankful Thursday posts are about) we got to start making some new friends a little this week. We went over to their house for dinner, the kids played great together, and we all had fun. Yay! Cuz putting myself out there to make new friends super stresses me out. Introvert! (Don’t you wish you lived by our new friends? They are super lucky with these views!)LWRES_2175LWRES_2180Also on Tuesday a friend came out to see us. We met them in New England, then they moved for fellowship (the last possible stage of residency). They have lived in the next state over from where we just moved for the last year, and are moving out west this weekend. So it was super fun to have a small overlap of time where we lived only a few hours away. Since all their stuff is basically packed they road tripped it over here to hang with us on our new beach and have some fun for the day before driving back home. Being able to hang out and see them again, plus have fun socializing with new people has really been what’s made this tough week possible to get through. So grateful for those tender mercies.

Oh and on the fun stressful side, I get to go solo with the kids in the hotel starting next week as DrH starts residency… (a very feeble) Yay. But then we’ll get some money coming in instead of JUST going out. So that’s good.

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Pulling the penguin back out to help me through this transition.

TT: Health

Thankful Thursday Logo bThis week B2 has been sick. Like super sick. Stay at home from school 4 days sick. His tonsils were HUGE! this is not an exaggeration. He had a constant fever. And for 2 of 6 days was a complete lump. Finally today he’s doing much better. Still slightly swollen tonsils, and slight fever. But able to move around, talk, have some personality. Still stayed home today, he was right on that line of he maybe could go to school, but it’s probably better for him to stay home one last day so it doesn’t get worse again. So we did.

Tomorrow though, he’s going back to school. I’m so done with him being sick. Actually I hate when anyone at our house is sick. Being sick is lame! Luckily so far none of the rest of us have gotten this lovely virus. And I hope we don’t. One of us being sick for a week is enough. Plus B1 has his birthday party this Saturday, so anyone being sick would just not work for us right now. So grateful for our health, the fact that our family doesn’t get sick as often as some. So grateful my work totally gets it and was flexible, and that DrH was able to shift some days around so we could tag team staying at home. And super grateful no one else seems to have it!

Here’s to everyone’s health!

Maybe it wouldn’t have lasted so long if we hadn’t gone to the Mardi Gras parade Saturday… but then we wouldn’t have seen Darth Vader in beads.070

Not What I Expected PT 1

A long time ago in a land far away (ie 2003 in another state) I was nearing the end of classes for my Associate’s. And as I sat in the business class I just had this thought come to me, “I won’t be doing this as a profession, it’s going to be more important to have a family.” The type of photography I wanted to do at the time was photojournalism of some sort. And I knew that in that type of work it would be really hard to start and mother a family. At least for me, I’m not that great at distance relationships. Always going places for assignment, or being out shooting all the time so I could get a few freelance jobs. There wouldn’t  be enough time for me to also devote to my family.

Do know what makes this really crazy?! I wasn’t even dating anyone at the time. What?! But I knew how important it would be for me to have a family, so I started trying to think of what else I could do in life. I really struggled, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I thought from age 16 that I would do some type of photography for my work. I freaked out inside a lot of days, my personality likes to plan and I couldn’t plan anything since I had no idea what else really interested me. So when I suddenly found myself engaged a few months later I had a huge sigh of relief. I knew what my future was to an extent and I didn’t need to worry anymore about any of that growing up nonsense. I would get married, we’d work and have fun, and eventually have kids. So I was set for the next 10-15 years at least right? I would be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) and I would think about what I want to be when I grow up later.

It took some time and emotional toll, but eventually we had a baby. And he was beautiful! At the time I worked part time as a crossing guard. And I continued this until just before the birth of our second son. And then I knew I needed to stay home full time with them. And so I did. And it wasn’t anything like I expected. My days weren’t that full, I wasn’t feeling fulfilled, my friends worked so I had no one to hang out with during the day. The second pregnancy and birth threw off my hormones a lot too, our second car died right around that time. So I found myself, stuck at home, lonely, nothing to do, no one to do it with, and even if there would have been something I would still have no way to get there to do it. And I was depressed. I mean all that is depressing enough on it’s own, but I had depression as well.

Parent Expectations

Credit: Pict one,  Pict two

I’ve struggled over the years. I liked being a SAHM, but it was also lonely, and somewhat unfulfilling. Seriously, kids don’t thank you for all your hard work, and it started seeming as if nothing I did really mattered. And the few times I was with other adults, ha, my contribution to the convo was how I’d seen a Curious George episode about that. Don’t get me wrong, I love Curious George, but he’s not really adult kind of talk.

A few weeks ago I found this post on Facebook. And it really got me thinking about my experiences as a SAHM. It’s called 10 Dark Parenting Truths. #4 and 5 really struck me.

4. You might give up pieces of yourself that you once loved

No one has it all. No mother. No father. No person. All of life involves sacrifice, and parenting always demands its share of it.

It’s like those friends who stay, or return, or never come back at all. Some dreams and passions and loves stay even after the babies are born. Some return. Others don’t.

 

As a SAHM struggling with depression and other fun stuff, I had lost some of my identity. One day I realized I didn’t know who I was besides a Mom. I didn’t know what I liked anymore. Mothering and depression had taken over and I lost all other identity. It was overwhelming! I prayed a lot, and cried a lot. Then I started to write some. What I liked about myself (I love my long hair). Things I used to like. Things I felt I still liked. Things that interested me, things I wanted to do some day. Things others saw in me. It’s taken some time, and I’m still not fully there, but over the past 5-6 years I’ve been piecing me together again, and seeing who I am today. Finding that I am a mom, and a wife, but also so much more. Getting help with the depression made a HUGE difference in this.

5. You might find parenting unfulfilling

In fact, I would argue that parenting is not completely fulfilling for anyone—nor should it be. Our children’s lives cannot and should not consume our own (much as they might devour our time and attention). Our children are not and should not be viewed as extensions of ourselves.

Parenting can fill one with love and wonder and joy. But it cannot take the place of all the other possible loves and wonders and joys in the world.

Reading about these two things has helped put all the past crap I went through into perspective, and also taught me I’m not alone or abnormal in these feelings. Being a SAHM wasn’t what I thought it would be, but I’m still so glad that I did it. Not much in life ever happens the way we think it will, or feel the way we thought/want. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it, in fact somewhere along the way we find out a little bit more about ourselves, life, and those we love. And it’s great! Different than we though, but great!

 

TT: Work and Fun

Thankful Thursday Logo bAt work they asked me if I wanted to work full time. Exciting stuff, but unfortunately with the situation at home I can’t give quite that many hours. Though I get an extra day, but then get off 1 1/2 hrs early on two of them. This means that I can meet the boys at home after school but still get more hours. And they’ll like it cuz I’ll be about 1 1/2 hours shy of full time so they won’t have to do benefits.068In other areas of life my brother decided to start a photo FB group where we have a topic each month and then take 4 photos on that topic in different genres. He asked if I thought that was a fun idea and so now I get to try growing my skills in a fun way. This month’s theme is B&W. So here’s my favorite barn in B&W. You’ve seen it before with foliage and a better camera here. While the phone doesn’t too bad a job, I’d still like to get a better winter shot of it before we move.